My grandmother, Betty, better known as Nan, lived to 101. Today, would be her 108th Birthday. She was wise, quietly determined and endlessly generous.
In her later years, people often asked her, “What’s your secret?”. She never gave an answer.
As the years have passed, I’ve reflected on her life, trying to understand how she aged not just well – but gracefully (she was healthy up until the month before she died). Never loud or showy, her wisdom wasn't something she talked about - it was something she lived. Found in the rituals she practiced quietly everyday, from how she welcomed guests to the way she made the bed with perfect precision.
These are some of the lessons she taught us; perhaps little clues to the secret behind her long, joyful life.
1. The importance of family
Getting the family together was Nan’s favourite thing to do. Laughter around the table. Heated debates over politics. Card games that went late into the night. ‘Togetherness’ brought her the most joy.
2. Celebrate with fine food
Every Christmas, we would arrive at my grandparents’ home and discover a world of homemade delights – fruit cake, vanilla slice, shortbread. Always made by hand (avoiding processed foods where she could), but often sweet and decadent. Her handwritten recipe book is still a treasure.
3. Clean and tidy as you go
Nan grew up in a guesthouse on the Mornington Peninsula, where every surface gleamed and each guest was made to feel special. Those habits lived in her bones. The table was always set. The silver polished. Plates warmed. When we cooked together she’d often say, ‘tidy up as you go’. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about care.
(Traditional until the end, she never quite forgave her 5 granddaughters for not ironing our sheets and doona covers.)
4. Move gently but often
Not one for vigorous exercise or even gardening, we wondered for years how she stayed in such good health. One day she revealed that she religiously hopped on the exercise bike in her back room each morning. She was fitter than we all thought! No fuss or fanfare, just consistency.
5. Be part of something bigger than yourself
Nan was the beating heart of her local bowls club right until the end. Lady Champion in her 80s, secretary in her 90s. At 93, I taught her Excel and she took over the club accounts! She loved being busy, useful, and there to help – the kind of person communities are quietly built around.
6. Never complain
This might be the lesson I hold closest. Nan rarely complained - I never heard her speak badly of anyone, or dwell on her problems. She was curious about life and people and looked at life with a lens of gratitude and servitude – wanting to help others.
7. Stay curious
Nan loved to learn. She was fascinated by what computers could do and used them right into old age. She and I would play Scrabble together online, and she’d regularly beat me.
8. Go lightly on the planet
As a young mother during the Second World War, Nan lived frugally, not needing much. Always one to mend or recycle, rather than buy new. Her routine was a reminder that happiness doesn’t come from consuming more – but from living a simple, intentional and joyful life.
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